Calm in the Midst of the Storm

Fifteen Things Adoption Taught Me about God (Part Four)

When I tell people that we raised 12 children, I am quite certain the first thing that comes to mind is the breakfast food fight scene from Cheaper by the Dozen. If you haven’t seen the movie, it shouldn’t take much imagination to picture it—eggs flying through the air, lots of noise, laughter, and a horrible mess that, conveniently, the movie never showed anyone cleaning up.

But in reality, life at our house was nothing like that. Unless it was mealtime or Sunday morning before church, you probably wouldn’t even have known that so many people lived there. Most of the time, it was surprisingly calm. And because it was so quiet, we sometimes didn’t even realize how many people were actually home.

There were a few years when we had mostly teens and keeping track of who was sleeping there felt like monitoring a hospital census—at any given moment, the number of people living there could change. We had a week about fourteen years ago when the number of people sleeping in our home shifted from seventeen to six in just 24 hours. With teenagers who either brought friends home or stayed at friends’ houses, two infant grandchildren, and adult children coming and going, keeping up with everyone sometimes felt like it required a degree in accounting.

In our family, as in most families with multiple children, we had instigators and responders. But because we had more than just a couple of kids, we also had an audience. Who played which role—instigator, responder, or audience—changed from day to day, but certain children tended to take on the same roles based on their personality and special needs.

And since we had some highly effective instigators and very loud, willing responders, moments of intense conflict were inevitable.

One of our sons, who was our youngest for several years, was a classic responder. The combination of his special needs made him highly susceptible to his brothers’ torment. And the joy they got from his reaction only encouraged them to continue. Sometimes, he just couldn’t hold it together, and when he reached his breaking point, he would rage.

A tantrum, similar to that of a small child, erupted from his man-sized body, and the intensity of it could even scare him.